My Blog

Instead of talking to me in person about what I am doing wrong, my boss tends to email me instead. If you have a problem with me, talk to me. I appreciate it a lot more than getting emails. It’s annoying.

Here’s what she wrote …

An
attorney emailed me that they overheard you speaking with a member and that you
were being extremely rude on the phone.  Something about the member’s file
number. Please remember the importance of the tone of your voice and how that
comes across. 

You
are still spending entirely too much time on the internet. Every time I walk by
your desk you are surfing or checking gmail.   This is unacceptable
and I need you to focus more on the calls, conflicts and getting the faxes
processed. 

Please
see me if you have questions or concerns about this. I understand you are not
the only one and I will be talking to others about this. I have however talked
to you repeatedly, most recently during your review.

I’m sorry I haven’t posted on here for a long time. A lot has happened since February. I’ve lost two friends who passed away. My best friend (a straight guy) moved to Dutch Harbor for his career. Three of my closest friends stopped talking to me and I gave up asking what’s wrong w/ me and if it was something I said.

I’m burned out.

I’m worn out.

So here I am at age 31 debating what to do next. Actually, I know what I am doing next, but I’m not saying what it will be. No one needs to know, but me.

You know, I let too many years of listening to others and all of these "good intentions" did a lot more harm than "good." Tons more harm. Trust me on that one.

Here’s my advice to the peeps younger than me … Listen to you. You know what is better for you. In high school and in college I excelled my listening to my head and my heart. I’m relearning how to do that again.

Last year, at my gym, we got a new personal trainer. His name’s Erik Fromm and he was pretty popular in the bodybuilding circuit, but stopped when he tore a few muscles.

Erik brought a lot of new clients into the gym and trained them to their individual needs. He sometimes didn’t pick up after himself, but his clients’ transformation were amazing! Erik knew what his clients needs, gave them advice on what to eat and when to eat. He also had his gf (and fiance’), Micah, do deep tissue massages. I went to her a few times and man … she worked out all of the knots in my back.

On Monday, Erik went for lunch w/ my friend, Shane, and discussed about working together as personal trainers. Erik went to take a nap and never woke up.

He was 36.

All of us at the gym are stunned and, obviously, saddened by his passing. It was unexpected. It’s surreal.

It really has messed up my head when I’ve been thinking of my own mortality and trying to figure out my place in this life.

You know, during Pride last
year, I went to see Kaskade perform at Foundation, a predominantly
straight club and I normally don’t go to them, but I really enjoy
Kaskade. I wanted to go w/ a friend of mine, but he had to work and decided to go to a different event. I went alone.

I was standing there alone, enjoying the music and
Erik, Micah and a group of his friends came in. Erik saw me and
told me to hang w/ them that night.

I’m still shy at times, but I did.

I had a blast.  Erik, Micah and I chatted about nonsensical stuff, gossip about the gym - you know … the usual banter at a bar.  All of us got drunk and danced. You know, for a big brute, Erik sure could bust a move.

Yes, I am sad and like everyone else at my gym, I’ll miss him. He was a big presence at Los Campeones Gym and right now, there is a void like a piece is missing.

I will never forget him.

Since my boss is going on vacation around Friday, she is trying to wield her power around here.

Here it is in all of its glory.

Just a reminder, I don’t mind if you
surf the internet between calls under two
conditions:

#1- All you other work is done,
faxing, mail, etc…

#2- You do not have a member on the
phone. Please remember what we discussed in training. If you were speaking with
a member face to face you would never surf the internet with them sitting in
front of you talking. Please give the member the same courtesy when they are on
the phones.

Please see me if you have
questions.

Remember, access to the internet is
a privilege. Please don’t abuse it.

I actually did not get into trouble for this one!

Shocking, I know! But I wanted to put this on here since it made me laugh.

I have
been asked by one of the Shareholders to make it clear that we are not to use
the company email to organize non firm sponsored events such as Happy Hours,
Good Bye celebrations or other personal parties.  Please refrain from doing this
in the future.  Thank you for your understanding and cooperation.  Please pass
the word to your team members.  Please see me if you have any
questions.

This is for the little gay boys and little gay girls out there … who think and believe they know everything … I have a message for you. Come closer so you can hear it.

You ready?? Good.

You don’t know a GOD DAMN THING! Just because you’ve seen things on Logo or Bravo
doesn’t mean you experienced it. So you can throw your attitude
somewhere and someone else. I’m not buying your schtick of having a hard life.
Come see me in 10 years after your heart is broken, you lose a beloved
family member or have your money stolen by someone you trust - then
we’ll talk!

They’re back!!!

I am still seeing you
spending a lot of time on the internet, and thus making some mistakes like this.
Please concentrate on your faxes to ensure all are done and noted
properly.

I made ONE mistake out of 200+ emails I sent on a weekly basis. I did
everything correctly, but I forgot to note I sent the email to an
attorney and now my ass is getting ripped for it.

I love reading Savage Love in the City Pages here in Minneapolis. Last
night, during my workout, I read one letter that resonated w/ me.

Here’s the letter and Dan Savage’s response …

I think my
5-year-old nephew is probably gay. Most of the reasons are superficial
(he says that Zac Efron is cute), but I also have a hunch. If he is
gay, it’s cool by me. The problem is my brother also thinks his son
might be gay and he is NOT cool with it. He’s "nice" about it, but he
has taken to prohibiting most of the things my nephew loves to do:
putting on makeup, watching and dancing along to musicals with vampy
women (like Chicago), playing dress-up. My nephew can tell that his dad
thinks there is something shameful about his doing these things, but
asks me in the most heartbreaking way if we can do those things when
we’re at my house and not tell his dad.

Question 1: Is it even possible to tell the sexual preference of a child so young?

Question
2: Is it wrong for me to indulge my nephew even though my brother (his
parent) has told me that he doesn’t want my nephew doing those things?

Auntie Mame 

Answer
1: There’s a 99 percent chance your nephew is gay and a 100 percent
chance that your brother will one day regret his actions. He’s
emotionally abusing his son—and for what? Dress-up or no dress-up, if
his son is gay then he’s going to be gay. Your brother can’t destroy
his son’s homosexuality, only his son’s life.

Answer
2: Your nephew needs an adult in his life who loves him unconditionally
and a space where he can express himself without fear. So tell him you
love him, promise to keep his secrets, and tell him that his father
loves him too and will come around one day. And yes, AM, lie to your
brother. In the grand scheme of things your lies are a misdemeanor; the
emotional violence he’s inflicting on his son is a felony.

Answer
3: You didn’t ask about an extra bedroom, but I wish you had.
Someday—someday soon—your nephew is going to need a safe place to go
when he starts running away from home. So put together a nice guest
bedroom, someplace your nephew can hide when he’s sick of his father
and, with any luck, over Zac Efron.

So, I wrote him this …

I
just read your letter from Auntie Mame and I have to tell you I had my
own Auntie Mame growing up in South Dakota which happens to be my
maternal Grandmother. I loved playing dress up and playing w/ dolls and
my stuffed animals and dancing, but I still liked playing w/ my GI Joes
and my trucks.

My Dad did not like that at all, so my Mom took
away my dolls and I stopped dancing and playing dress up. I was told
that it was wrong and I should play sports and not play dolls. I was
crushed, Dan. However, whenever I stayed over at my Grandma’s
apartment, I could dance, goof off and play w/ dolls.

It
didn’t help my hometown was about 700 people and I would constantly be
teased everyday until I graduated from high school. I moved on from
there and never looked back. When I was finally comfortable in my skin
being a fag, the first person I told was my Grandma. She told me she
loved me even if I was straight and she had a feeling I’m gay, but she
wanted me to figure it out.

My immediate family still struggles w/ me being gay, but it’s my life and I am living it the way I am.

Thank you for the wonderful advice you gave Auntie Mame

Sincerely,

Allen (and if you want, you can use my real name. I don’t care.)

PS … here is a pic of what I look like at 18 and now at 30.

A few minutes later, I got this …

wow — thanks for the great letter, and nice tits!
if your grandmother is still alive, tell i said she’s fucking
awesome. or just "awesome," if she disapproves of cussing.
xo
dan

I replied with this …

Oh,
she’s very much alive, still doing the NYTimes crossword puzzle in pen
every day, keeping active w/ the South Dakota Democrats … sometimes
she wears me out!

This is Grandma Elnore w/ my sister, Janelle.

Trust me, even though she does not swear EVER, she’d loved what you said.

Take care!

Here’s Dan’s response …

you’re so lucky to have her in your life!

Pretty neat, huh? And yes, I am VERY lucky to have my Grandma in my life.

Yes, I got into trouble again at work. Should you be surprised?? But here is the funny thing … I got into trouble for internet usage.

And what was I looking at online?

My 401K.

Seriously! I was trying to figure out how to diversify my 401K since open enrollment starts soon.

And I get a lengthy email for using the Internet.

Ugh!

My ex-bf, Mark, gave me this advice … Take
your happy pills and quit worrying about everyone else for a change.
It’s the only way you’re going to keep your own sanity. You need to
take care of Allen for a change!

Isn’t he great? I really needed that.